The diary was green and pink and purple covered in pastel blobs with a golden lock that any one with half a brain, could pick. I remember I had wanted a diary for so long, I am not sure what I could possibly keep from the world at such a young age, but I do know that I wish I had that diary now, even if it meant learning things I didn't want to know, or if it was just a book of secret listings on bizarre celebrity crushes like Mickey Dolenz from "The Monkeys".  I can still hear the sound that lock made when it latched open and closed. What an odd thing to remember. I often wonder if he had to do it over again if my dad would have chose the same way to try and win me over, though I know that I would not change a thing. He bought me that diary, like many other small trinkets to try and win my affection.  I refused to acknowledge this, and never knew what to say when the other end of the phone echoed with an "I love you."

That year we had just moved into the neighborhood, I would be starting Kindergarten, luckily I had a neighbor the same age I would pal around with.  Friends of convenience I would beg to play with the little girl next door, he was the younger brother, though my same age, I didn't seem to want anything to do with him, little did I know he would later become my great protector, and much later my worst nightmare. I passed the test that got me into Kindergarten, the simplest questions about getting from point A to B, and the world around me was focused on things I didn't quite understand. So many questions about events with my dad, my family never let on, and to this day it all seems very much like a whirlwind I know nothing about. I wish for that innocence back. As I wrote in my book about things I liked, I had such a simple mindset. Of course I wanted to be a cashier more than anything, because after all they did get to keep the money at the end of the night.